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搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》
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人物:农夫,兔子A,兔子B,大树。

农夫:I’m a farmer.(稍停顿)[走两步]A cool farmer.(掏出墨镜戴上)[冷酷地走两步,突然被绊了一跤,继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle School.So, I’m rich now![开始展示名牌,边说边掏]Look!This is my modern mobile——Nokia WC 250!This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this?痒痒挠?No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~!![看下表] It is time to do some farming![开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]

树:I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作,哼哼哈西!!!]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]

兔子A:OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.

[农夫继续锄地,边锄边上场,突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫:(惊喜地)Lunch![扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it! [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走,兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A:Wahhhh~!(吓一跳)What do you want?

农夫:Huh…!I will kill U for lunch!

兔子A: Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑,躲到树后面,农夫追到树前]

农夫:Where~ to go? Haha!

[农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪,没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪,同上。 农夫开始加快频率,火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪,躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]

兔子A[自我陶醉中,边跳舞边说]You can't hurt me! You can't hurt me!

树:[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后]

[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪,走到兔子面前,看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]

农夫:Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子,开枪,没声音,看看枪,示意没子弹了。兔子见状,非常兴奋地大笑起来]

兔子A:Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now! [兴奋大笑,笑到抽筋,笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ![倒地]

农夫:OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired! I’ll eat you after sleeping.[倒地睡觉](打鼾的声音)

兔子A:[兔子很快醒了,看看四周,发现自己被绑了,很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?

树:[指着农夫]He has caught you and wants to eat you.

兔子A:What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape?[东张西望,看到农夫的手机]A mobile![解开绳子去看手机]It’s Nokia WC 250! Wow,how fashion![放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile!Maybe I can call some one to help me! [又不知不觉地把自己放出来,那起手机][做出打电话的样子] (配音:拨电话) Hello?

兔子B:Hello!It’s Jenny.

兔子A:Hey Jenny!

兔子B:Oh,hey Mary!

兔子A:How are you?

兔子B:Fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A:I’m fine too!How are your parents?

兔子B:They are fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A:They are fine,too!How is your uncle?

兔子B:He’s fine,thank you!And U?

兔子A:He’s fine , too! How…

兔子B:Eh..eh..eh~wait.But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!

兔子A:No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!

兔子B:But where are you?

兔子A:I’m under a tree!

兔子B:[边打电话边在附近走,经过兔子A面前,两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?

兔子A:I see a rabbit …that looks exactly like you!

兔子B:A rabbit…like me… OK!I’ll find you.Just a second!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开]

[兔子A 打完电话,小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处,然后又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上]

兔子A:Haha!My friend will come and save me~!yeah! [兴奋过度,后仰,头又撞倒树上,倒地](虚弱地)Oh!Hurt! Call 110~Or 119?112?...Oh,forget it!I’m dying![作喉咙卡住声音,死去]

[兔子B上。]兔子B:I’m also a rabbit!I’m smart! I’m lovely! And I’m (作风情万种)beautiful! (自我陶醉)[转头看自己右手边,却发现兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!Mary![伏在兔子A身上](哭声)I’m so sorry,Mary!I’m too late!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]

树:Oh!Oh,don’t hit me.!Don’t hit me!I’m ~~brea~ken![朝地上倒,压倒兔子B]

兔子B:What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音)

[农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I am![兴奋地一手提一只兔子,哼着小曲下场]

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